Self-Awareness....

I admit this is a phrase I hate but I find it far more palatable than self-consciousness. I was just talking with the therapist I work with (he is a neighbor) and we sorta spun-off into this discussion about self-medication. Well, a thinly veiled one. I had invited him in for a beer and he said he had to get home and have a protein shake (He was coming home from an Aikido class) and I said "which one of us will feel better in a half-hour? Me! Because I won't feel anything!" Now, what does it mean that I can identify this behaviour as both self-medication and that I am aware that it is a response to my mood and situation? This becomes an interesting question I feel. I find that notions of self-awareness (I think this encompasses notions of self-consciosusness without all that phenomenological shite) seem to manifest themselves more clearly in some types of people and not others. I would like to attribute it to education or some such nonsense but that does not hold (as simple as it would be). What does it say to know you are doing something anti-social and possibly unhealthy as opposed to just doing it? This is not so much a meditation but an actual question....

Ok, I cannot simply leave that question be. I think there is a profound "ethical" question here. What is it do something and know we are doing something as we do it. I find traditional (ie Sarte/Husserlian) phenomenological questions to be silly here(I find the ethical "dimension" far more interesting and pressing, ie what does Wittgenstein's later conceptions of meaning as use mean about responsibility?). I think this is also a question of responsibility and that a great deal of modern thought has been an evacuation of notions of responsibility (we can replace it with shitty notions of authenticity if we want to be I find this pre-cludes a intersubjective dimension). Oh well. Enough. The drugs are quick.
Enough!